There's Someone Else
by Squigsquasher
Summary: An alternate ending to the (rather mediocre) story mode of Soul Calibur V. Patroklos has finally been reunited with his sister, but things aren't going quite as he'd hoped... Very short, very silly. A tiny amount of adult humour. Also my first fic, so don't expect something to rival Romance of the Three Kingdoms in depth and quality.


OK, this is my first attempt at a SC fanfic, and my first published fanfic ever. It's just a short little romp, dedicated to my personal favourite crack pairing.

Enjoy!

Soul Calibur V Alternate Ending: "There's Someone Else!"

Soul Calibur and Soul Edge had been sealed away within the Astral Chaos once more. The ugly purple wound in the sky had closed up, returning to a glorious golden sunset. And on the castle balcony below, Patroklos the swordsman held his beloved sister Pyrrha in a close embrace.

"We've made so many mistakes...we must make amends for the rest of our lives" he murmured, filled with relief at being reunited with his sister once and for all. "But for now, let's go back home"

Pyrrha shuddered slightly, and exhaled deeply. After a long pause, she spoke.

"Actually...I can't do that" she said, sounding ever so slightly irritated.

Puzzled, Patroklos stepped back, giving Pyrrha a funny look. "But...why?" he intoned.

The girl sighed, and fully broke away from the hug. "You see...there's someone else..."

As if on cue, a pale-skinned, green clad girl hopped out from behind the ramparts, and landed next to Pyrrha. She had a mischievous but friendly smile, had her hair in 2 white and purple pigtails, and had a circular blade slung over her shoulder.

"Good to go yet, Pyrrha? I packed a scotch egg for you" said the mysterious girl gently, gesturing to a bag hanging from her waist.

Patroklos's agonizingly slow brain sluggishly processed this new set of information, and about 7 seconds later, something finally clicked in his pitifully small mind.

"T-T-Ti-T...Tira?!" he exclaimed, nearly falling over in shock.

"Uh huh, that's me. Surely you remember me, right? I've been taunting you throughout the whole game" she replied.

He turned to Pyrrha. "What is the meaning of this? What's going on, and is there any way of stopping it?" he stuttered, completely shellshocked.

Pyrrha felt confused. "What? You know I love scotch eggs!" she responded, baffled by his sudden display of disbelief.

"Not that, you dummy! I mean, why is Tira being so friendly to you?" he snapped.

Pyrrha rolled her eyes. "I told you...there's someone else. And that someone is Tira. Me and Tira...are together now"

There was an awkward silence. It was finally broken when Patroklos's jaw hit the ground with a resounding_ clang_.

"Phththbbbppht...W-w-w-w-what...Just...WHAT?" he sputtered, reduced to imbecelic dribbling by the revelation. "But...HER...scotch eggs...2 girls...Tira...WHY?"

This time it was Tira's turn to respond.

"In case you hadn't noticed, I've been the one looking after the poor girl for the entire bloody game! I've been feeding her, protecting her, keeping her healthy...And what have YOU done? All you've done is taken her from me and made her suffer more!" she shouted, flapping her arms about for no discernible reason.

"Nonsense!" Patroklos declared. "You just wanted her to give her to Soul Edge! You don't believe a word coming out of her mouth, do you Py-"

"But it's true!" interrupted Pyrrha, now getting quite angry. "Tira has kept me safe, fed me, sheltered me...And all she wanted in return was that I wield that badass sword!"

She gestured to her corrupted arm. "It even came with a free awesome claw thingy! I mean, look at this thing! I can open cans with my fingers now!"

"But Pyrrha!" wailed the young man "What about our promise to live together for the rest of our lives?"

"I never agreed to that! You were just ranting on about that to Viola and Z.W.E.I in your normal stupid way!" shouted Pyrrha, growing visibly irate. "I never got a word in edgeways!"

"Besides" interjected Tira "You're her brother. That would just be weird...Really...I don't even want to think about it..."

Patroklos was taken aback by this. "It-it's not like that! Besides, you're both girls! You can't-"

"Oh, so now you're an incestuous freak, a jerkass AND a homophobic now, are you? That kind of attitude is sooooo 12th century. Besides, a guy who wants to bang his sister can't say what's an acceptable relationship!" crowed Tira.

He had no response to this.

Pyrrha sighed. "Look. The fact is, me and Tira are together now. There's no stopping it, it's happening. End of. Now stop your tantrum, and find a girl that isn't a blood relative for you to drool over!" she snapped.

"But-"

"No!"

Tira tapped Pyrrha on the shoulder. "Come on, Cutie Freckles, let's go. We've wasted enough time with this weirdo" she crooned.

"That we have. OK, you're right. Let's go"

The two of them walked off together, arm in arm, slowly strolling off into the distance.

"Now, about that scotch egg..." Patroklos heard his sister say before the pair were gone from sight.

The arrogant man sat down and crossed his arms, contemplating his misfortune.

"Darn" he muttered to himself.

Somewhere in the reaches of the void, the author laughed to himself as his crack pairing was finally realized.

THE END.


End file.
